Don’t miss God’s train!

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I remember very clearly how I was sitting front row, listening to the charismatic prophet announcing: “God is doing a tremendous job, get ready! Prepare! Don’t miss the train!”

I was anxious about feeling stuck. I wanted to move up into all that God was doing, feeling afraid I was going to miss out, again. And I did.

Days, weeks, months and years went by and nothing happened. I told myself I wasn’t ready, I had to propably fix myself some more. There had to be a valid reason why I clearly missed that train.

Little did I know that when I decided to give up, to let go, to stop beating myself up about being unworthy for more than this, I was unknowingly boarding the train! And when the train arrived on it’s destination, my eyes opened.

All this time I was standing on the platform looking for the train to take me deeper into the Christian faith, while all this time, God was ‘training’ people out of it! If only I had looked into the other direction as well, I would not have missed the first train at all!

So why didn’t look the other direction? Plain fear. Up untill then I was conformed to christian ways of thinking and one of them was the constant threat of being snatched away out of the safe waters.

Everything non-christian, wether music, movies or literature, was either demonic or deceiving, causing you to doubt the faith and God Himself and risking becoming a puppet of satan, ending up in hell… Forever… Burning.

But right around the same time the prophet announced the train, my beliefs were in conflict with each other and my theology was falling apart, rapidly.

“My view on God was that of conditional love. Yes, I will bless you, if… I will love you, if… I had to know God was not like that. That when people say God is Love, God = Love period.”

The problem was this, I believed so negatively about myself, that I needed a God who was Love. If His Love in anyway could not Love me, I was doomed to stay in ignorance.

Out of fear for eternal damnation I prayed the sinner’s prayer a 100 times or more, just to be sure. And for the longest I kept asking for forgiveness for every breath I took from  the Almighty and did not gave back.

My view on God was that of conditional love. Yes, I will bless you, if… I will love you, if… I had to know God was not like that. That when people say God is Love, God = Love period.

And so the teaching on hell confused me. Before I had obediently took it in, out of fear for it. And I tried to reconcile it with God is Love in many ways. But it just didn’t add up.

One day I decided that I could not live in fear and love at the same time, so I let go of the doctrine of eternal damnation and anything that did not reflect God is Love, being the first of many stations out of christianity, starting with thinking for myself.

Time and time again all scripture on the conflict of fear vs. love showed me how it could not be both. I had to investigate more. And so I left my church where I had spend the 3.5 years prior.

I have always loved music ever since I was little, and I developed my own taste in it during my teens. Now looking back, the music I liked before falling into legalism and spiritual warfare, is the music of my life. It played during pivotal moment in my upgrowing and it gave voice to my heart in all its states.

After entering organized religion I throw all my music out, I started looking for Godlike music. At first I had to battle the constant inner rejection towards the low quality tunes and lyrics but I managed to like a few and luckily I ended up like a band more or less. But in hindsight, simply because it was playing at pivotal moments between God and myself.

Leaving behind physically going to church and turning on the radio after a long time, I had the greatest moments of emotional, spiritual and mental growth, ever. Through songs of non christian artists, His voice just spoke.

At that point what I had learned about God being personal, knowing you and what you like, and absolutely adores that about you, became alive. As a person who loved good music, why would God not speak to me through music? Or through books or movies, just because you like them?

I threw my christian music out and digged up my favorites of before! I started looking for new music way way outside of christianity. I realized that I love deep house and God just kept on rocking my understanding of Him through all these amazing dance songs that were being played on the radio worldwide!

There are too many examples of songs that were released in which I heard God speak to me (Avicci just blew my mind on many occasions), and maybe one day I will get them all out for you, BUT I do want to give you one great example of how God speaks to me through music.

When that song was released I was losing the last parts of my religion and I asked:
“What would you answer if I asked you this?”

Ok, here we go. But you have to know, God is personal, what He shows me, He doesn’t have to show you. If you are feeling what I feel, rejoice! You’re just as uniquely fashioned as I am.

Do you know that song by Calvin Harris and the Disciples (coincidence?) called “How Deep Is Your Love?” When that song was released I was losing the last parts of my religion and I asked: “What would you answer if I asked you this?”

Now you have to know that my hearts desire has always been to be literally one with God, to be intimate in a way where I don’t know where I begin and He stops. Therefor I liked these lyrics so much because they were blunt in exploring the depth and height of in my eyes, His Love.

The second thing is that for the longest time I felt like a failure, ruining every chance or oppertunity for a better life. And I also felt that every mistake, every flaw made it harder for me to receive His Love. I had to submit everything to the strict following or else I would not get it.

So here are the lyrics of How Deep Is Your Love?:

I want you to breathe me in
Let me be your air
Let me roam your body freely
No inhibition, no fear

How deep is your love?
Is it like the ocean?
What devotion, are you?
How deep is your love?
Is it like nirvana?
Hit me harder, again
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
Is it like the ocean?
Pull me closer, again
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?

Open up my eyes and
Tell me who I am
Let me in on all your secrets
No inhibition, no sin

How deep is your love?
Is it like the ocean?
What devotion, are you?
How deep is your love?
Is it like nirvana?
Hit me harder, again
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
Is it like the ocean?
Pull me closer, again
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?

So tell me how deep is your love, can it go deeper?
So tell me how deep is your love, can it go deep?
So tell me how deep is your love, can it go deeper?
So tell me how deep is your love, can it go deep?
(How deep is your love?)
So tell me how deep is your love, can it go deeper?
So tell me how deep is your love, can it go deep?
(How deep is your love?)
So tell me how deep is your love, can it go deeper?
(Pull me closer, again)
So tell me how deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?
How deep is your love?

So tell me how deep is your love, can it go deeper?
So tell me how deep is your love, can it go deep?
(How deep is your love?)
So tell me how deep is your love, can it go deeper?
So tell me how deep is your love, can it go deep?

Now waaaay back in my early teens, I liked all populair music exept for one, (happy) hardcore. But for some strange reason all those crazy tunes became so recognizable that anyone from around my age can sing any lyric to any of those songs. No matter how much they hated it. The song released by Dutch diskjockey DJ Paul Elstak, called “Luv u More” is really no exception.

So waiting for the answer on the question How Deep Is Your Love?, several Dutch radio stations were airing 90s related top charts, and when the song started to play, everything in me just exploded out of joy! Because I knew that I knew that I knew that this was His answer to my question. Here it is;

You can make the sun turn purple
you can make the sea turn dirtle
But you know you can never
make Me love u more

You can turn wine into water
turn sadness into laughter
But you know you can never
make Me love u more

Let the stars fall down
Let the leaves turn brown
So you know you can never
make me love u more

Let the rainwards die
let the wells run dry
So you know you can never
make me love u more

You can make the sun turn purple
you can make the sea turn dirtle
But you know you can never
make me love u more

You can turn wine into water
turn sadness into laughter
But you know you can never
make me love u more

Let the stars fall down
Let the leaves turn brown
So you know you can never
make me love u more

Let the rainwards die
let the wells run dry
So you know you can never
make me love u more

Let the stars fall down
Let the leaves turn brown
So you know you can never
make me love u more

Let the rainwards die
let the wells run dry
So you know you can never
make me love u more

In conclusion, I can do good, bad or ugly but His love remains the same for me. And before I was caught up in the nets of religion He already assured me, that I could never make Him Luv me more! Also, I did take that train, and it has brought were I need to be, right here, right now, with you.

To me it’s just one of the many things why taking the train out of christianity is so worth it. I really hope you are inspired to embark on your on exodus or continue on your train trip out! If you are not sure let me tell you this; when you have taken the train out of organized religion, God will be there waiting for you!

Leave your comments below, I’d love to connect!

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